The Olympics: Is Afghanistan Doing a Worse Job Than NBC?

I’m not really sure what the problem is, but the coverage of the Olympics here in Afghanistan has been really shoddy. For real. Every day I go to the DFAC and I just hope that they’ll be showing some great Olympic event. Any event? Go ahead and ruin it and tell me who wins the gold! A commercial? And everyday I’m greeted by all three TV’s playing baseball. Which I'm not even sure counts as a sport. 

Proof That It Is Not: In one of my classes we were reading the Great Gatsby and it references the 1919 World Series. Being the super great teacher, I did some research to see if anyone really had tried to cheat and rig the series just as Fitzgerald was claiming. Someone did so I got really excited. And there I am, knee deep in my explanation of how indeed, this really did happen—zomg! So cool, huh?!—when a student interrupts. “The World Series of Poker has been around for that long?”

See? Baseball doesn’t even exist in Vegas. Thus it is not a sport--play me some Olympics! After all, they're pretty much the entire reason we invented TV in the first place. 

Moment to Brag: Pretty sure my fantasy baseball team is winning. I can’t log into ESPN to check however, so I can neither prove nor disprove said statement.

Apology: I really do love baseball. It’s America’s pastime. I just think if you’re going to skip the world’s greatest athletes competing for the title of “Best Eva (for the next four years)” then you need to play an “on TV” exciting sport in lieu of said amazingness. 

Yea, they invented TV so we can all watch the Olympics. Trust me. I've been there.

Hot Dog Eating Contests

Today as we were leaving the DFAC we ran into one of the AFN radio announcers. She asked us to participate in a Hot Dog Eating Contest. We had 5 minutes to eat as many hot dogs as possible and…

I won!

Ha! Just kidding! I only ate almost 2. I did manage to give away one of my hot dogs so technically 3. The guy sitting next to me was the winner. He ate 4.5. Ew. 

The Winner!

Pre-eating--Sheryl wasn't quite this happy once she felt like throwing up. 

Paper Chain Countdowns

Heads up America—tomorrow is a great day! I know because in Afghanland tomorrow is here.

Reason. Sheryl made me a paper chain countdown with 17 links for an exciting event that is happening at the Ed Center. Oh hey vague statement—unfortunately I can’t tell you what that event is because it’d be rude. And possibly really mean. I can tell you though that today, thanks to a series of fortunate events—like time—there is only one link left. Oh my heck, I know! Excitement. So the countdown is over. And today is great.

Side Note—I bought grey shirts. 1 pack, 3 shirts. They’re cute. They’re new. Yea I’ve maybe worn the same (but different!) shirt for the past 3 days. People are starting to ask questions. 

Final Note--I just found out the Chinese don't really have cheese. How do they survive?

The happiest anyone at the Ed Center has ever been

Ready for the near beer celebration. Tastes terrible :/

Last of the paper chain countdown!

Proof of Legit-ity

Happy Birthday to my great dad! Another year older, another year wiser—we hope! If you happen to be in the Logan area give him a hug for me.

So I have a pretty legit family. Serious. Evidence proving this statement follows.

A while ago I was complaining that I couldn’t buy perfume since it contains alcohol and you can’t ship alcohol to Afghanistan military bases—unless you’re Polish and then you get an entire bar. Shortly after my complaint every one and their dog informed me to just use Amazon. Yea knew that—just trying to be funny. My brother, however, sent me a letter. It contained ripped out sheets of perfume samples with this note:

Anywho…since I’m such a rebel & not part of the system, I smuggled you 3 days worth of Nordstrom perfume samples.

TAKE THAT GOVERNMENT! YOU DON’T OWN ME!

They smell pretty good, but are borderline old-lady perfume (which is coming back into style might I add)

That’s my brother—a mutineer with a "tot’s fab" sense of fashion.

The whole family is this witty.

Still don’t believe me—join us for dinner.  Be prepared to play our family made game of LAMPSHADE!

On another note, I love getting letters out here. So, if you are bored write me a letter—I’ll send you a postcard in return! Fair trade? Yes!

Don’t Trust the Broccoli Soup

Why does the bathroom smell like Broccoli Soup. Not even kidding. I miss normal person bathrooms.

Afghanland bathrooms are metal storage containers. Lock combinations to keep out the creepers, which makes things difficult if you really have to go. Don’t touch the floor. I forgot my shower shoes once and had to shower in socks. I threw them away. They touched the floor. 

Then there are the porta-potties.

Hey ‘merica,

Good luck scrubbing the mud off your a55! :)

♥

The Taliban

Real cool, guys. Real cool. (Those are footprints.)

Dear T-ban,

We X’ed you out. :)

Xoxo

America

Toilets you can stand on

Bathroom related signs—

These previous four signs are from one bathroom. I don't even want to know. 

Shower Socks

Thursday’s lunch is soup. 

 Do not trust the Broccoli Soup

Trains, Planes, and Cars

About two weeks ago I went to Dubai in the United Arab Emirates because I had a crazy bad toothache. It was great fun. And also kinda sucked since I did have to visit the dentist and I like them about as much as I’d like to have my toes chopped off.

Dubai Adventure:

1. We need to rename the toothache to some terrible, fingernails on chalkboard-esque word.

Toothache Pain Scale Pre-toothache Experience:

10 – Bumped funny bone

5 – Toothache

1 – Scraped knee

Cure: Apply Pressure.

Thoughts: Suck it up and stop acting like you just birthed a child.

Actual Pain Scale of a Toothache:

10 – Chinese Water Torture

5 – Toothache

1 – Gunshot wound

Cure: Morphine

Thoughts: #@!% and other such obscenities.

Clearly, the word toothache just doesn’t wholly comprise that type of excruciating pain. A rename is needed.

2. I’d like to apologize. I was previously under the impression that it was part of a taxi driver’s job to know major locations within the city. My mistake. The drivers all asked me for directions. Do I turn here? Uhm any beach will do just drive in the general direction of water. Maybe, Dubai, we should consider ensuring drivers know how to get to a few general places. Nothing to crazy—just maybe the Dubai Mall, beach, and airport.

3. Apparently Mexican, French, and Swedish equals Afghani. I think everyone in Dubai asked if I was from Afghanistan. Pre-telling that I worked there. Guess its good to know I can blend in if needed. Although burkas seem to have the same effect.

4. I had the opportunity to stay in an amazingly nice 5 star hotel. Cool huh? Agreed. One night I didn’t want to leave my room to search for food. I decided to order room service something I’d previously never done.

·      I think they had to unscrew the wall sign in order to get me a menu

·      The man wouldn’t let me take the tray at the door. My room was messy and I got embarrassed. So I tried to close the door and clean it up real quick.

·      The lasagna was Shepherd’s Pie.

5. A few other things that happened. I walked about 4 miles in the crazy hot heat because I didn’t think it was important to tell my bank I’d be in another country. Turns out it is. A kind man from the gas station I asked directions at rescued me. I missed my airplane. Technically there was still an hour before it took off but the girl was following rules. Boo. I ate Lebanese food and it is soo amazing. Try it. I made friends with a girl from Canada and a guy from Jordan. They’re pretty cool.

Since being back I’ve moved to a real office and been given an avocado and a scarf. Yay Afghanland! 

Room Service :)

Afghanistan

From the air--this is what I breathe in everyday

Doc Holladay, Me, Edita, Sheryl
wearing our new scarves!

Happy Memorial Day!

Happy Memorial Day!

A few weeks ago Toby Keith came to Afghanistan and since it was both free and after work hours I had the fabulous opportunity of going to the concert. It was great and such a nice break from the sometimes rather mundane life of Bagram.

Then I started crying.

Toby Keith was singing American Soldier, which is a beautiful song but not one I’ve previously made a habit of sobbing to. This time though I stood in a crowd of real American soldiers; dressed in uniform, carrying guns, and singing along—

And I will always do my duty no matter what the price
I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice
Oh, and I don't want to die for you
But if dyin's asked of me
I'll bear that cross with honor
'Cause freedom don't come free

I'm an American soldier, an American
Beside my brothers and my sisters I will proudly take a stand
When Liberty's in jeopardy, I will always do what's right
I'm out here on the front line
Sleep in peace tonight
American soldier, I'm an American soldier

I couldn’t help but cry. I’ve always been grateful to those who have and are currently willing to fight for the freedom I enjoy but I can’t honestly say I’ve ever put a face to the uniform. The white grave marker signifying a fallen soldier has always simply been just that—a grave marker. Of course, seeing it fills me with gratitude and sadness but it has never been personal.

This Memorial Day is different. The American soldier is no longer faceless. I can’t help but know names. Recognize faces. Listen to their dreams and plans for the future. That night the soldiers sang along to very few of Toby Keith’s songs but they did sing along to American Soldier and they sang with pride and conviction. And I cried because I realized they were no longer faceless men and women risking their lives for my liberty. I guess you could say it was a combination of Toby Keith and Afghanistan that forced me to realize the enormity of the sacrifice that countless men and women have made for our great country and the freedom that both you and I enjoy. It has deepened my gratitude for those who have given up so much to ensure that our country remains ever free. Yes, this Memorial Day is different.