And then we get cancer

Rather Clever Plan to Successfully Avoid Missing Summer

1. Take tanning breaks.

I know; this is beyond brilliant. This is how I plan on convincing my boss.

Convincing Justification

1. I will not wear shorts. Just pull my pants up high enough to reveal my charming ankles.

2. My doctor reported a vitamin D deficiency **Cough** last September.

3. People take smoke breaks so I should take tanning breaks. Then we can both get cancer.

But since its still spring here are some things I love (and sometimes don’t love so much) about springtime in Afghanistan:

Dust Storms. They’re beautiful. The sky turns this amazing yellow and then when you walk outside you immediately inhale a sand box. Gross.

The Morning

The Afternoon

When it rains here everything floods. This time it flooded so bad the water was entering the education center. The guys began moving sandbags and dealing with the excess water. I took pictures, like a normal, helpful person. 

Sheryl about to fall in

Elvis washing his hands in the dirty mud water

There are actually flowers! The trees here are called Bagram trees and they smell great. Unfortunately, the last wind storm stripped the trees of the flowers but it was really pretty for awhile. 

Our new Education Center sign designed by me and Word Art

The Bagram mountains (Hindu Kush Mtns) taken from a helicopter by a friend

Worst Idea in the History of Ever

Last summer I started watching Criminal Minds. A couple of nights ago, I remembered how much I loved it and decided to catch up on some episodes while working late. 

Some things that I may have forgotten:

1. The show scares the crap out of me. I probably only watch 10 of the 40 minutes.

2. Last summer, in order to avoid the Criminal Minds invoked terror I only watched in the middle of the day or if guys were present. Also I slept on a mattress on the floor with my roommate the entire summer. If one of us were to get kidnapped the bad guy better have planned ahead and had room in the trunk for two. Side note-we lived in one of the top ten safest towns in the United States.

3. Sometimes I research murderers and serial killers. Chill—I’m not weird. I just think their motivations are interesting. This is part of the draw of Criminal Minds. Then I walk around and wonder who secretly chops off limbs. Not a pretty picture.

So there I sat at work. It is 1 AM. I am alone. In Afghanistan. At least 1/3 of my training discussed how to avoid “becoming a victim”. Now is when I decide to catch up on Criminal Minds.

Worst idea in the history of ever.

I haven’t felt in danger since I arrived on base. Now a slight noise has me hiding under the table. I poke my head out. It’s just someone wanting to use a computer.

The walk home is even worse. I jump at everything. Avoid bunkers by at least 20 feet. Someone walks up behind me. He has a gun and I freak out. Calm down, crazy. Everyone has guns. It’s called a war zone.

I didn’t learn. I’m currently watching the latest episode. All I can hope is that if something terrible were to happen Derek Morgan would be so kind to show up and save the day.  

  

Meeting Famous People

Oh hello, Rambo. Go ahead and take a seat.

The giant of a man entering my office looks like he just stepped off the set of the latest Rambo movie. In fact I’m pretty sure he played the commander. He certainly fits the part of giant, hulking man who is way to tan with bleach blond hair and seems to have never been told that cut off shorts are no longer a “thing”. And to complete the look is the largest gun I’ve ever seen.

How can I help you, sir?

I want to study Early Childhood Education

Abandon professionalism.

I’m sorry Rambo I thought I just heard you say you want to hand out snacks to 3 year olds? But hey, who am I to discourage dreams.

Well…ok do you know which school?

Nah I just figured that was the easiest degree.

Well sir I mean if you think trying to keep Billy from eating glue while Sally hits Tommy with his toy truck and Meg just sits there and screams as an easy major then yea I guess you’d be right. We all have our own strengths.

I try to explain how every degree has general education requirements and even if it sounds easy there are going to be tough classes.

He doesn’t believe me. I enroll him in a B.A. in Early Childhood Education. Now get outta here—you don’t want to be late for movie production.