Am I Wearing Pantz?

A lot of times, my blog focuses on the many things that Afghanistan is missing. But I don’t generally talk about the things that Afghanistan offers—mainly because the perks are few and far between. But that being said there are some pretty cool things about living here.

Cool things about Afghanland:

The food is not only free; it’s also all you can eat. Good luck.

Recently developed housing that also comes furnished.

Air Conditioning. Year round.

Cashmere scarves for $10

Danger Pay and Crappy Living Pay.

Personal Trainers. Oh heyoo American tax dollars! Jaykay! I’m on a NATO base so Europe pays for it. (I’m pretty sure but I can’t actually verify the validity of this fact. Don’t hate. I pay taxes too. And I’m now in great shape so thank you for your donation.)

A rather disproportionate ratio of men to women. Which is totally cool with me. Until of course, you combine my gym time and the disproportionate number of men to women. At which point this scenario occurs—

This really happens everywhere, but the gym is probably the number one place to get stared down. Possibly because I workout in shorts or possibly because I work out at the European gym and Europe seems to be more lax in the staring department. Either way I’m developing anxiety.

Jessica’s Stream of Consciousness Upon Getting Checked Out

Check for pants. Check for shirt. Touch shorts to double-check that they are indeed on my body. Look down to ensure all clothing hasn’t disappeared. Recheck for shirt. Is there toilet paper stuck on my shoe? Did I sit in mustard? Am I wearing pants? What are you looking at? Tell me!

Literally, this happens every time. Unless it’s a car that is driving unusually slow by me in which case I reevaluate my chances at the Olympic event of speed walking because I’m clearly walking 20 kph. They’re not being weird; I’m just that fast. Winner.

Please don’t think I’m trying to brag about how I’m really awesome (I am awesome.) but remember there is a pretty big lack of females on base. And finally, I’m not looking for compliments. Some of those stares look down right hostile and would make you think you sat in mustard too. Also, I may or may not be traumatized from an 8^th grade Halloween experience of “sitting in Ketchup”.

#Olympics2016 #Brazil