The Hulk Smash of Knowledge

The best way to explain your job in a warzone is to embellish as much as possible.

Navy Customs? Well, I mean, it’s pretty much exactly completely the same as SWAT. At least for sure the part about kicking doors down. I definitely do that on a regular basis--with people’s dreams. Seriously, guys I’m not going to say it again. There are no grenades allowed in your carry-on. (Sadly, this is not made up. Mostly. Ok fine, I made up the grenade part.)

Obviously, this sounds like the most fun ever. So I joined.

Have you heard of Rambo? Cus I’m kind of like that. But with textbooks. I just like hulk smash people with knowledge.

That’s actually on my resume. Under Special Skills.

Cold & Disappointed

I’m smart. Really.

Just because one time, I was super excited that a car had the exact same license plate as my mom’s car—seriously! once in a lifetime sighting—does not mean I’m not smart. Maybe.

I had the opportunity to go to Washington D.C. last March. Not wanting to waste any days and mostly because the “snow storm to end all snow storms” was really just rain, I decided to brave the streets of D.C. and visit the White House.

Hmmm…

Rather small. Very white. Why am I the only one here besides armed men? I could slip through this fence. Why is it so small? I must be lost. This is not the White House.

Overall, I was immensely disappointed by the White House. Also really cold.

The next day, I visited the Capitol. And realized, the Capitol was not the White House.

Dangit.

I blame Hollywood. Can we be clear on our location the next time someone tries to take over D.C.? Ok thank you.